A friend sent me an email recently. It made me laugh out loud...
But it also shows an alarming state of affairs.
This email is the questions and answers in a 'GED' exam.
'GED' is' General Education Development' test. These tests are a group of five subjects tests, which when passed, certify that the student achieved high-school level of academic skills.
The American Council of Education is the sole developer of these tests.
The questions are multi choice and designed to measure the knowledge and skills that a student should have acquired after four years in high-school.
There are plans afoot to introduce these tests into New Zealand...
Here is the email:
WHY TEACHERS DRINK
The following questions were set in last year's GED exams.
These are genuine answers from 16 year olds............ and they will breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. A flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the ocean
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a man gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets on the stairs (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)
Q. Name a major disaster associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk going sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the branium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O, U...
Q. What is the fibula
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure
A. A Roman Emperor (Julius Seizure - I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport (Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word benign mean
A. A benign is what you will be after you be eight (Brilliant)
Well could you answer these questions or do you need to go back to school?
Is this one reason for our global problems?
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